Emotional Next Steps
Grieving Lost Innocence
Many times, individuals are not completely responsible for losing their virginity. These individuals have been victims of sexual abuse and even incest. These initial sexual experiences can spiral them into a promiscuous lifestyle. Love equals sex in some of the cases, so sex is good. Yet many report that they don’t enjoy any of these sexual encounters. What is amazing is that they continue to participate in casual sex and can’t see how this could be hurting them.
Many individuals who have been sexually abused are often scared of the prospects of parenting because of the poor examples they had for parents. When they abort, they experience another form of sexual abuse in the actual procedure. In abortion the sensitive inner areas are touched – sometimes harshly – and the maternal bond that tells them to “protect their child at all costs” is severed. So much happens to them in the process of enduring their abortion that it’s easy to see why so many are mentally unstable afterwards.
When they get to the point of acknowledging their part in the abortion decision and begin to grieve, many times they are also mourning multiple hurtful experiences. As long as they are not using this grieving to somehow eliminate the responsibility for their own sin, this mourning can be a helpful part of healing. At long last they can recall deeply buried memories and understand God’s truth about what happened in those sexual experiences. It’s important that these wounded hearts have love and support in this process. Our team is here to help you if you are alone in enduring these disturbing recalled memories.
Sharing at Home
For many post-abortive individuals, the truth about their abortion can often be a bargaining chip in arguments with others. For example, one husband used their abortion to control his wife by threatening to share their abortion secret with the world. He could make a statement like, “Wouldn’t they think you were a poor mother if they found out you killed your firstborn? You’d just better treat me good or I might tell them!” This soul tie becomes even more debilitating when it is wrapped in a threat. Sharing any additional truths with a threatening partner is not recommended.
On the other hand, if the spouse has divorced the partner who was the aborted child’s parent, other issues can result. For example, one woman called to share with me that during a custody battle, her ex-husband had told their 11-year-old daughter that her Mommy had “killed” her older brother. The daughter was very angry and no longer wanted to live with her mother. The damage done between the mother and daughter was very difficult to repair. How much easier it would have been had the daughter heard the truth from her mother. While the ex-husband had coerced her to abort, that truth was never revealed.
If the person was sexually abused by a family member, their confession has other implications if shared with their family. I spoke to a woman who was repeatedly raped by an older cousin. Even to this day – many years later – she has rarely shared this secret with anyone and must interact with this person during family events (i.e., reunions, weddings, funerals, etc.). She is concerned that should she share this truth with her husband, he will want to use force against this person.
Unfortunately, her husband has achieved a friendship with this person and is curious as to why his wife doesn’t share the same level of respect. While she has shared that sexual abuse was part of her past, relaying the person’s identity is still something she is unable to accomplish with her spouse. In her desire to protect her family from division, and a possible physical fight, she remains silent about this secret. Yet she has received great healing by sharing this truth with special individuals that God has put in her life.
Our ministry offers you a safe place to share these truths with our team. Please contact us if we can help ease the sexual soul tie burden from your heart.
Nothing is Hidden From God
It’s important to remember that God was with you during every sexual encounter. Psalms 51:3-6 verifies this – For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely, I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
This can be a horrifying realization or a comforting one. You simply cannot keep anything a secret from God. Confession isn’t for His benefit because He knows the truth. Confession is clearly for our own heart’s advantage.
Hello, I am Sydna Massé Founder and CEO of Ramah International. I'd love to keep in touch and include you in our prayer chain as we continue to serve abortion's wounded and those considering abortion.
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