Why Didn’t God Stop Me?
“I asked God to stop me if aborting wasn’t His will for my life. When He didn’t, I felt it was okay. Why didn’t He stop me, Sydna?” the post-abortive woman asked with an emotion that verged on rage.
Many faith-based hearts prayed before they aborted, asking for God to intervene if this wasn’t His will for them. These ambiguous prayers are often answered, just not in the way we expect.
This woman remembered struggling to find a parking spot near the abortion clinic. She initially thought God was trying to stop her. Then someone pulled out of their spot. “I felt that was God’s sign saying abortion was okay,” she concluded. “Why did He abandon me?”
While the actual word “abortion” does not appear in the Bible, Jesus spoke about the beauty of children in Matthew 19: 13-14:
Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
In discovering my pregnancy in a Planned Parenthood clinic in 1981, I too prayed for God’s direction. I was so steeped in sin by that point, I could not discern any particular response. Opening a Bible was not in my mindset either. My requests were made to God while I was filled with anxiety and uncertainty.
When I entered that Indianapolis abortion clinic, I felt I had an angel on one shoulder speaking into my right ear, and another darker perspective addressing my left. Their messages were quite different.
Part of me felt the urge to flee. Another part of my heart replayed the typical “abortion logic” – this was a safe and legal choice for teenagers in my position. Society didn’t need more out-of-wedlock children whose parents didn’t have enough to care for their needs. Abortion then became my determined choice. The logical voice won out.
My boyfriend’s “enforcement” perspective was replayed upon entering the parking lot. As he parked the car, he quietly informed me that if I came out still pregnant, he would leave me homeless on the streets of Indianapolis. Instantly I got very angry with this man. When he went on to say that he wasn’t going up with me but would wait in the car, my rage against him began in full force.
Even with his threat of making me homeless, a huge part of my heart knew I was headed for extreme regret if I went through with aborting my child. That was the voice of the Holy Spirit that I did not recognize as being from God!
In that moment of overwhelming confusion, stress and uncertainty, it was difficult to discern God’s perspective. While I had never heard anyone speak against abortion, my heart belonged to the Creator of the Universe. I knew God loved children. Abortion did not seem like something God would have appreciated in any way!
Had I the courage to flee that scene, I’m confident my Heavenly Father would have had help waiting around the corner. In many cities, that assistance is offered through pregnancy center ministries that offer women the choice not to abort by supporting them in any way possible. Truly, they make a difference in so many lives by simply sharing the truth about abortion’s potential deep regret.
Playing these type of “give me a sign” games with God can be quite confusing in considering abortion. Few understand that God has already outlined His perspective on abortion in Deuteronomy 30:19 – I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.
Anger towards God for not physically stopping us from aborting is common in the eventual realization of this choice’s impact on our lives. It is a human tendency to hold God accountable for the decisions we make. The Scripture above outlines that God does not support abortion in any situation.
It very well could be that God did send people and circumstances into your life or cause situations to get your attention. Perhaps we simply didn’t recognize the help as coming from God?
One woman explained that she prayed for God’s direction. The next day, she drove past numerous billboards that outlined basic pro-life messages like, “Abortion stops a beating heart.” These billboards confused her and did not sound like God’s answer to her prayer. Her expectations about God giving her a literal “sign” simply wasn’t enough to dissuade her.
God gave us the gift of having a free will. By our Creator’s very nature, He does not demand we do things His way, even though it is the best way. God lets us go our own way to make our own choices. Thankfully, He also wants to heal our hearts from all our sins.
Romans 6:23 outlines this truth – For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God wants every post-abortive person to know that He loves and forgives, no matter what our sin. He speaks to our hearts all the time. The problem is that we often simply don’t recognize His voice because it sounds a great deal like our own.
If you are angry at God for not stopping you from aborting, realize that He gave you free choice. Beginning to heal can be as easy as a humble prayer, asking for God’s help in understanding your pain. Reading the Bible daily can help anyone hear God’s voice in a deeper way. Our Creator wants us to come home to His love, acceptance and forgiveness.
Take a moment now to write a letter of apology to God if you are convicted that you may have blamed Him for not stopping you from aborting. Be sure to include the emotions in your heart as clearly as possible. Then pray over the letter and put it in your journal.