Healing Abortion’s Bloodguilt
“God cannot forgive my abortion sin, Sydna,” a post-abortive woman shared during a phone conversation.“The blood of my child will always be on my hands!”
This is a common illogical mindset among post-abortive hearts. When we confess, many simply don’t realize that regardless of the sin, it isn’t in God’s character to hold our sins against us. He wants to forgive and heal our hearts and cleanse us from our sin.
Before we were born, God knew every sin we would commit and how He would forgive us. This is outlined in Psalm 139:15-16, My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Misunderstanding God’s forgiveness after abortion can lead to the pursuit of self-punishing behaviors like drugs and promiscuity. Post-abortive hearts often have a false belief that they deserve the worst in life for ending their child’s life.
As I exited the abortion clinic, I remember believing I had just committed the worst sin possible. Thoughts entered my mind that amplified this “worst sin” mindset. Feelings of hopelessness overwhelmed me along with intense rage and betrayal towards anyone that had recommended such a traumatic physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological choice.
In that angry and hopeless mode, I pursued many other sinful behaviors which drew me farther away from God’s loving voice. It would take seven years for God to pull away the clouds of sin that blinded me to His grace and mercy. That understanding came when I first stared into the eyes of my next-born child.
After abortion, many reach the point where this sin feels worse than any other sin as it involves bloodguilt. Our children bled & died because of our choice. When denial ends, and we can see the truth that our abortion ended our child’s life, many work to “make it right” to ensure God will forgive them.
In this dysfunctional “penitence mode,” some may publicly reveal this sin before God’s healing has processed this pain in a healthy manner. Desperate for mercy, these hearts can suddenly speak confessions that are loaded with anger and anxiety. Afterwards, they often collapse in grief. Instead of feeling relieved by sharing their sin, the confessor often feels worse. Traumatic memories released through public confessions often leads to emotions of deeper despair.
Sadly, the spectacle of this unhealed post-abortive testimony often confuses listeners, leading them to reject the speaker. Many perceive the post-abortive pain as impossible to cure due to the wild emotions displayed during these unhealthy confessions. God doesn’t call His people to the front line without first healing their hearts and then training them to hear His voice to understand His battle tactics.
If we have truly repented and asked God for forgiveness, it has been granted! This is outlined in Colossians 2: 13-14: When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.
Receiving the truth of God’s forgiveness into our heart after abortion can be challenging in a world where divisive abortion politics are discussed daily in media outlets. We need to readjust our thoughts by embracing the truth that God can redeem even the sin of abortion. I personally am proof that God can use a post-abortive sinner in amazing ways.
I’m grateful that God never wastes even our sinful past. Paul outlines this truth perfectly in I Timothy 1:15-17, Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.