3 Common Mindsets After Abortion

“Watching your abortion testimony changed my life, Sydna,” the woman wrote in an email. “I’ve never known anyone who struggled after their abortion decision. I thought I was the only one but I’m just like you. You told my abortion story!”

“No, you are not alone,” I wrote back. “One third of all the women in America have experienced this pain. We just don’t socialize with each other or talk about our abortions.”

Post-abortion healing often begins when post-abortive women take the tentative step to leave their self-imposed prisons of secrecy to reach out for help. I will never forget the day I summoned the courage to open a flyer that had the symptoms of Abortion PTSD. 

Reading something that featured the word “abortion” was outside of my comfort zone. Yet this resource offered me the understanding of the source of the pain in my heart. In reviewing the emotional impact of abortion, I was enlightened about abortion’s deep influence on my life.

Early conversations about healing typically include an outline of the common mindsets post-abortive women can experience after abortion. These include:

Impossible Peace

Due to the shame and self-loathing after abortion, many believe that deep peace is impossible. Tandem to this thought is the difficult mindset – or conclusion – that we do not deserve God’s peace because we allowed our child(ren) to die.

Many simply “shut down” emotionally when abortion is discussed. They are often unable to process any potential hope that God offers in the Bible. Few realize that other post-abortive women encounter similar emotions and that their pain is normal and typical.

Let’s talk plainly about God’s love regarding ANY sin, even abortion. God’s unconditional love is available for any sin if we repent to Him. Hearing the testimony of a healed post-abortive woman is also helpful.

The Denial Habit

Many post-abortive individuals have built a wall of protection around their hearts, isolating them from any memories or pain. While they can cry without ever knowing why, they remain steadfast in the logic that their abortion was a GOOD decision. This is enabled by the mindset of denial that they didn’t abort a child but a “blob of tissue.” Denial is a powerful force to break after abortion.

Fetal development photos and ultrasound scans can be the first wrecking ball that comes against the wall of denial built strongly in our heart. The shock of the truth that we aborted a fully developed baby can rattle us to their core, breaking down many bricks in the denial wall. Please be careful doing internet searches for the term “abortion” as those disturbing photos can build pain in our hearts versus release it.

Many are adept in the habit of denial that they can perfectly brick the wall back up again. Others attempt to regain denial but fail, falling into deeper depression and pain without knowing what to do next. Giving birth after abortion is a massive denial breaker.  It is very difficult to deny an aborted child when you begin to love another child that has just been placed in your arms.

The day I thought I was miscarrying my next child, and got down on my knees and begged God to forgive me and not take this child as a punishment, God showed up immediately in my heart.  When the ultrasound revealed my son’s obvious humanity thirty minutes later, my denial was gone. Then His love began repairing the broken places in my heart.  God can do the same for your wounded heart!

One direct hit of a wrecking ball doesn’t shatter denial immediately. It takes ongoing Godly efforts to bring down the well-fortified barrier. We just need to understand that once we ask for God’s help, ending our denial is typically His first step.

Haunted

When abortion pain would initially hit my heart, I would disregard it by becoming drunk or high. I actively blamed everyone else for the choice that I had made myself. That is the epitome of denial.

On that prodigal journey, God put many individuals into my path that offered me His hope of healing. These folks had no clue about my abortion and were simply talking about God’s forgiving nature. I simply was not ready to consciously dealing with the grief, guilt and agony of resurrecting my aborted child from the depths of my heart in those moments.

During this dysfunctional time, I could not consider that my abortion was the source of any pain in my life. Blaming others led to emotions of hate that made me bitter. This effort never resolved any of my agony.  Only God could help me face the truth that no one had forced me to abort. In acknowledging my sin in choosing abortion, my healing process began.

In a way, my child “haunted” me at every turn until God finally brought the pain to the surface and opened this wound for healing. By attending an abortion recovery class, I was able to name and full grieve this child whom I named Jesse. My lost son returned from, “the land of the enemy” Jeremiah 31:15-17) and back into my heart forever. I am haunted no more.  Jesse is safe in the care of Jesus and I will meet him there soon.

There is a time for peace and war in every heart that has been impacted by abortion. If you feel stuck at this point in your recovery, complete the activity in the next module. If you still feel stuck, please contact us. We would be happy to help you!