“Sydna, I’m afraid that if I cry for my aborted child, I won’t be able to stop,” my lunch partner confessed. “I’m not suicidal at all. I just want to go to Heaven and hold my baby. I felt this way when my mother died! I missed her so much!”
Pregnancy loss through abortion is a death experience for many women. While emotions initially afterwards focus on “relief,” over time that respite might be short-lived.
Emotions relating to grief are not right or wrong, good or bad. Many times they are not even coherent. There is no perfect way to grieve. There is only your way, and you must discover that way for yourself.
Many times the timing of tears can be alarming as well. Emotional reactions can be delayed after abortion for sometimes many years. Unexpectedly, something changes in our lives and these memories come tumbling back into our hearts. At that point, sorrow can be unavoidable.
The sudden onset of sorrow that leads to “out of the blue” mourning can make someone feel like they are going insane. Most are afraid to talk about that pain for fear of being labeled as over-reacting or crazy.
In working through Abortion PTSD, it’s typical to have gloomy ideas that life will never get any better. Just continuing to live seems difficult because the lost child will not return.
In moving through this pain, individuals must not take on more than one day at a time. Should that amount of time seem overwhelming, then we must take it one hour, or even one minute, at a time, being gentle to our hearts as we heal.
To believe that “time heals all wounds” is only to delay the work that needs to be done. The passage of time does not resolve grief. It is what we do with the time that matters to our future peace.
Obviously, grief is kindled in our heart when we remember hurtful things within us. During the “remembering” part of healing, mourning can be intense due to the fact grief has been avoided for a period of time.
Crying is a natural way of cleansing the body of toxins. Our bodies naturally make moisture to clean out a physical wound. Once the bleeding stops, then a seeping of moisture occurs to sanitize it which keeps the wound clean for the healing to begin.
The same process happens in our hearts. When the “bleeding” (tears) is complete, the cleansing is ahead and that means healing is coming! Many of us had years to adapt to keeping those tears locked away from our souls.
It may feel strange to cry over something that happened so long ago. But it is part of the denied grieving process that is often part of an abortion experience. The wound needs cleaning at last. In time the tears will give way to joy because emotional work has that level of reward.
Being unable to cry can be equally alarming, particularly to those around us. I’ve learned to expect grief in certain circumstances and to push myself to cry if needed. After all these years, a good cry can be more healing than an antibiotic! God always draws close in these moments and His comfort is amazing!