When God spoke to my heart in 1991 and asked me to first share my abortion testimony to a small gathering of staff at Focus on the Family, I reacted like Jonah. I said “No!”
God was patient and gave me several weeks to prepare. While He would confirm this calling many times, I actively fled from even considering the idea. His calling became louder and I fought harder.
God’s hand was then heavy upon me and finally, on the morning of the scheduled devotions, I hung my head and agreed to obey Him. As always with God, the results of my obedience were incredible. There wasn’t a greater group of individuals to hear my first confession. They received me with love and honor and still pray for me today.
A few days later a Focus broadcast producer called to ask if I had a testimony of someone who had an abortion. Quickly I replied, “Well, you can always use mine!”
As soon as those words left my lips, I wanted to take them back. It was too late because her response was simply, “Share your story with me.” Soon thereafter I was recording my testimony for Dr. Dobson to hear. It was the first time in my life that I can remember what it felt like to be God’s vessel. I didn’t remember a word I said because God did all the talking!
Dr. Dobson recognized God’s voice in my words and wrote me an encouraging note that I still treasure today. He also relayed that my testimony would be featured on an upcoming broadcast. Quickly, my ministry life in serving and reaching post-abortive hearts with the hope of God’s healing began.
I was initially overwhelmed because it meant as many as 10 million listeners would know about my abortion. They offered me the option to share anonymously but I said, “No. Please share my name. God wants me to be visible so that I can help others.”
Again, I didn’t know where the words came from because I wanted to take them back right away! God was directing my words and I literally had no other choice but to obey.
The next task that lay ahead was to share this secret with family and friends before they heard my very public testimony on one of the most popular radio shows in the world. I made a list of the individuals I needed to share with and wrote each a letter and included a copy of my testimony tape. Incredibly, out of 25 letters, only two responded. A benefit of this process was that God made it clear who were my “true” friends. Later He would replace each lost friend with 100 more!
Two days before the broadcast I was in a panic over the fact that I was actually sharing my story with millions of people. Satan was beating me up and I was so helpless and overwhelmed with his accusations that I could hardly bear the incredible potential for rejection.
I tried to accept that I couldn’t remove my name from the tape since it had already been distributed to stations. Thankfully, God stepped in at that point to provide yet another confirmation and put my heart to rest.
I was put on hold during a business call and an old familiar Keith Green song, “Asleep in the Light” was playing. I had loved this song before my abortion but hadn’t heard it in years. God gave me a very clear and poignant message through the following words as I sang along with this beloved music:
“Do you see, do you see, all the people sinking down?
Don’t you care? Don’t you care? Are you going to let them drown? How can you be so numb not to care if they come?
You close your eyes and pretend the jobs done…
‘Cause He brings people to your door
And you turn them away as you smile and say,
“God bless you, be at peace,” and all heaven just weeps
‘Cause Jesus came to your door, you’ve left Him out on the street
Open up, open up and give yourself away.
You see the need; you hear the cries, so how can you delay?
God’s calling, and you’re the one, but like Jonah you run,
He’s told you to speak but you keep holding it in.
Oh can’t you see it’s such sin.”
With all my heart, I knew that God had used the song to give me a strong message about the impact of my sacrifice in sharing publicly. To not obey His calling would have been sin. Millions could be reached with the hope of His healing.
After that broadcast was first shared, the Focus phone lines were jammed with individuals who wanted healing from their own abortions. That was in 1992 and I still hear from people today who were touched by that message and are now in ministry helping others.
I’ve confessed to countless millions over the years about my part in ending my unborn child’s life, whom I named Jesse. Amazingly, I’m still alive and no one has stoned me yet!
The result has been life for many children whose mother’s didn’t choose abortion because God used my testimony to change their hearts. Now these children are having grandchildren and a second generation is alive!
There is no greater joy than holding a child that God used you to save! Each one is precious and encourages me to continue sharing my story as God leads.
I’ve shared my story in front of 750,000 people and audiences of one. Each time I tell my story, I relive the horror of my abortion, relive my child’s death, and remember God’s healing touch. By the end of the story, I’m encouraged again as God does the work through me.
My prayer is that God will use this module to outline whether or not He is calling you to share your testimony and whether that is a public or a private call. Review each of these sections to learn more and understand that if God calls you, He will also equip you.
 “Asleep in the Light,” words and music by Keith Green, 1978 Birdwing Music/Cherry Lane Music Publishing Co., Inc./Ears to Hear Music.