Sharing with Extended Family

A woman once wrote to me after reading my book and shared a lovely story about her relationship with her mother. Her mother never knew the truth of her abortion. This mother was now very ill and dying of cancer.

“Monica” wanted to talk to her about her abortion as she knew her mother would meet her child in heaven soon.  Sadly, it was too late because her mother could no longer understand communication.

One day this daughter was sitting by her mother’s bedside, reading Her Choice to Heal. She again grieved the truth that she would never share this secret with her mother before she went to heaven. As she was praying, she heard her mother begin to quietly repeat a number over and over again.

“Monica” finally took the hint and turned to that particular page number in the book. As she did so, her mother stopped repeating the number. On that page was a special verse that gave her comfort and peace. God used her mother to reach her heart that day and it was very special. When this dear mother passed away a few weeks later, “Monica” was blessed to know she was finally getting acquainted with her long lost grandchild.

In my own family relations, sharing the truth involved losing friendships. My sister-in-law was horrified when I told her I was attending an abortion recovery class. By this point I was half way through the study.

“Elisa” was related to me through marriage. While I was accustomed to telling people about my abortion, I was unprepared for some of their reactions.

“Elisa’s” expression spoke volumes as I talked openly about the pain I was feeling related to my abortion. She was pregnant at the time and immediately confessed that before she had met her husband, she had chosen abortion. She went on to say that her parent’s wanted her to abort the child she was now carrying because they didn’t think her husband would support her financially.

All through her response I could sense deep pain, denial, and justification of her abortion. My truth had opened up a wound in her heart that was barely covered and now was opened.

She ended the conversation by saying, “While I’m glad I didn’t abort this baby, the other was conceived in a one-night stand. I still believe that was the best decision.”

Our relationship changed after that. “Elisa” didn’t listen to my response but collected herself and left the room. She made sure she was never alone with me again. Sadly, a while later she got a divorce and left our family.

While I could minister effectively to total strangers, I couldn’t help my own loved ones. Jesus couldn’t minister in His hometown either.  Matthew 13:57 relays Jesus’ words: Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor.

While you may not feel like a prophet, you need to understand that ministering to your family may be impossible.  In His time and within His Will, God will send strangers to our family to help them heal. In the meantime we have to leave them in God’s hands and be careful when we use the term “abortion” in conversations with them.

When you work at a ministry related to the abortion topic, you may endure a different rejection. After I became a recognized at Focus on the Family and other employees knew my abortion testimony, I could see how abortion impacted people differently. I started being able to pick out the post-abortive in a crowd from their body language and eyes when I was speaking about my abortion.

One day I was walking down a hall when someone came around the corner. They took one look at me, put a grimace on their face and turned and headed the other way. The display seemed to indicate they were quite disgusted by me, a woman that chose abortion. Many would not receive me with compassion but hatred.

Initially, I took all this rejection personally. God whittled away that emotion by verifying He had placed these people in my path to reach their hearts.  They were rejecting Him and not me.

He also gave me compassion for them by outlining that they may have been impacted negatively by another person’s abortion. Their anger towards that individual could be projected at me. None of these rejecting individuals knew me at all. They were angry at the demographic I represented – women who had chosen abortion.

Romans 15:1 states, We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. I was being used by God in ways I couldn’t comprehend. The only thing to do was to be strong and faithful, working to keep my heart from embracing anyone’s rejection. My only role was to be faithful to God’s call regardless of the costs.

There are some situations where sharing this truth may not be in God’s plan. Prayer is the only way to determine this fact. Many times the elderly cannot handle the burden of this truth.  While this prohibits the post-abortive individual from sharing publicly, it can be that God is closing the door to prepare their hearts at another level.

If you are considering sharing this secret with someone close to you, know that our team is always available for support. Please feel free to contact us at any time.

Recommended Resources

Abortion Recovery

Her Choice to Heal:

Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion

Abortion Recovery Guide and A Journey in Ramah

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