Spiritually sensitive post-abortive individuals often view their choice to abort as unforgivable in the eyes of God. Many also struggle in forgiving others who participated in their abortion choice. They are often the hardest on themselves for participating in their own child’s death. Many simply don’t realize that regardless of the sin, it isn’t in God’s character to hold our sins against us. He wants to forgive and heal our hearts.
The bigger issue for many comes when they cannot forgive themselves personally. Many in this mindset pursue self-punishing behaviors like drugs and promiscuity as a result of this self-rejection. They often have a false belief that they deserve the worst in life for ending their child’s time on Earth.
God used the parable of the Unmerciful Servant found in Matthew 18:21-35 to help me forgive myself for aborting my child in 1981. Through this passage, God led me to view myself in two ways – as the richer servant (current Sydna) whom God had just forgiven the debt of abortion – and the younger version of myself who had chosen abortion as the second servant. Here is that passage:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
If God had forgiven me, He was requiring that I forgive the younger version of myself as well. That younger version of Sydna was no longer alive. Everything she was ended with each step of maturity God brought to my life. I could see my younger version as a separate person from the woman I had become. That fact made it easier to forgive that younger me!
God’s magnificent forgiving nature is wonderful to realize. There is literally no sin that God cannot forgive. Forgiving ourselves for choosing abortion is often a major step in the healing process. We pray that God will use this website to help you discover His magnificent grace.
The Ramah team is always available to help and will be praying for you!