S2 - Her Choice to Heal Online Abortion Recovery Program

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Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

Ramah International is pleased to offer the Her Choice to Heal abortion recovery course free of charge to anyone who is struggling after an abortion decision.

Each of the 9 featured modules addresses an emotion of abortion pain, providing information and comfort along with healing activities designed to produce enlightenment and peace.

This spiritually based course incorporates Biblical passages relating to abortion pain to begin to connect individuals to God’s unique healing process.

This site is free for anyone to use and the Ramah International team is always available to both help you process your emotions as you work through each module.

The Ramah team is dedicated to protecting the confidentiality and identity of anyone using this course. We will never share any information.

You can take this course independently or involve the Ramah ministry team for deeper support at any time. Ramah International’s team has over 150 years of combined experience in abortion recovery ministry. We consist of lay-ministry leaders who have helped many receive God’s healing after an abortion.

This course has one strongly recommended resource – my book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion. This resource is referred to often in this course. You can purchase this book in both audiobook or paperback formats.

Ramah International is a 501c3 ministry that offers tax-deductible receipts to those who financially support our efforts. Please consider donating to support us and help underwrite HerChoicetoHeal.com in reaching abortion’s wounded hearts with the hope of God’s healing.

If we can help you in any way, simply contact us.

My Abortionist’s Remains

I never got his name, but I’ll never forget his voice or the brutal touch he used while performing my abortion.

In struggling against the horrific pain that day, I earned his ire. He then made sure my abortion truly hurt me because I did not pay extra for anesthesia.

Thirty-eight years later I heard his voice again.

They say abortion is a woman’s choice. Half an hour earlier, my boyfriend stated he would leave me in the streets of Indianapolis if I came out of that abortion clinic still pregnant.

I should have tested his threats that day, but I was too scared.

I can’t tell you the name of that clinic. I didn’t keep a receipt because that would betray my secret shame.

It’s easy to recall the 4-story glassed stairway that led to the clinic. It was on a quiet street in Indianapolis, IN.

The clinic was on the top floor with a long hallway inside that no woman should ever travel.

In departing such a tragic place, forgetting details was essential. Any reminder needed to be locked in a room of my heart and never opened again.

Erasing it from memory was my plan. God had other ideas.

My abortionist was masked when he appeared at the bottom of my surgical table.

I took notice of his height, voice, approximate age and color of his hair as I watched him through my legs that were loaded into stirrups. He never addressed me personally.

I had no idea that abortion was surgery. I never asked any questions.

Jeremiah 11:19 described me that day – I was like a docile lamb brought to the slaughter; and I did not know that they had devised schemes against me.

“Seven weeks,” my abortionist barked out after giving me a brutal pelvic exam – my first at aged 19. “Lay her down!”

That was 38 years ago. After serving for nearly 30 years in international abortion recovery ministry, I thought there was nothing left to address in my heart about that day.

I watched a recent news clip about the abortionist, Ulrich George Klopfer, whose family found 2,246 aborted children’s remains in his home after his death on September 3, 2019.

Later another 165 aborted fetuses were found in the trunk of his car parked at a local storage facility.

The clip featured Klopfer speaking at a licensing hearing. That was when I heard my abortionist’s voice again.

“I never judged anybody. . .” Klopfer stated. “I gave women what they wanted. It may have hurt them… “

Below the video, the tickler scrolled the message – “Klopfer was likely Indiana’s most prolific abortion doctor in history with numbers going into the tens of thousands of procedures in multiple counties over several decades.”

Indiana Abortionist? A complete understanding collided with my heart as I realized Ulrich George Klopfer had been my abortionist!

Comprehending his identity was significant. His hair, height and voice all matched my vivid memory.

The confession he “hurt” women coincided with the brutal and traumatic procedure I endured at his hand.

There is no way for me to confirm George Klopfer’s identity as my abortionist. The clinic where my child died was closed long ago.

His abortion businesses were primarily in the Fort Wayne and South Bend regions. Yet we know many abortionists were itinerant physicians, travelling to other cities to assist on busy/lucrative days.

I had earned his ire that day by physically fighting the pain he was inflicting upon me. He yelled and then a hand muffled my screams, nearly suffocating me.

Someone then held me down forcibly on that table, their grip bruising me. I then recalled the hand prints, in bruise form, on my upper thighs that appeared within days of my child’s death.

It was a war-like experience where my child was lost forever. I survived, albeit brutally wounded at a spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical level.

My heart then ran into the obvious possibility that my child – whom I later named Jesse – was among Klopfer’s fetal remains.

In 1992 I attended a memorial service where I grieved and honored Jesse’s brief life. The grief work begun then is now 27 years strong.

For the other women this abortionist served, the news of my abortionist’s remains has ratcheted their often-denied abortion pain. I took time to pray for the other women Klopfer served.

“How will I ever know that my child is among his remains, Sydna?” one woman that had discovered God’s healing after her abortions in Indianapolis asked after this news surfaced.

Tenderly, I reminded her that she had first trimester abortions. Children aborted at that stage are not usually whole afterwards.

Klopfer likely retained bodies that were older and intact. That truth increased her agony in understanding the barbaric dismemberment nature of the way her children had died.

I reminded her that my abortion clinic had been a madhouse of activity that day, just like during her abortion. Over 20 women were in the abortion recovery room when I arrived there.

The suction machine likely held many bodies as there was no time between patients to clean it out.

The idea that Klopfer could have fished out one child from that suction machine for his personal collection wasn’t plausible. He simply did not have time between procedures.

Comfort came with understanding that Jesus is the greatest parent a child could ever have. God can use even the tragedy of abortion to His good. That was proven in our friendship, which started when she asked me to help her discover His healing.

She had already learned there is no sin that God cannot heal, restore and forgive. After abortion, the struggle is to forgive the younger version of ourselves that made such a choice.

As the shame began to descend on her heart again, she had new skills to cast that disgrace out through prayer.

The Office of the Indiana Attorney General has set up a phone number and email address for the specific use of anyone with possible connections to the fetal remains who may wish to inquire.

The email address is [email protected], and the phone number is (317) 234-6663.

If Klopfner may have been your abortionist, you can contact them to determine if any of the discovered remains could be your child.

If you are grieving a child lost through abortion, understand that news coverage can unlock that room in your heart where these memories are stored.

Once that room is opened, God’s grace flows as He begins to untangle the thoughts and truths that have been locked away for so long.

This triggered pain is not designed to punish you but release you from the agony of abortion solitude and shame.

Abortion – even when conducted by infamous abortionists – is not the unforgivable sin. God sees all sin the same. A tiny white lie is the same category of sin as an abortion.

If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, you will see your child again someday in heaven. When that day arrives, your child will hold no animosity towards you as that emotion doesn’t exist in heaven. God is the only judge there.

If you don’t know Jesus Christ, John 3:16 reveals how to ensure you will see your child again – For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Visit HerChoicetoHeal.com to begin your healing process and restore joy and peace to your life! We are praying for you!

Module 4 – Addressing Anger

Anger was a forbidden emotion in our house when I was young. My mother was raised in an abusive environment. When she grew up, she vowed no one would yell at her again. She was the only person in our house that was allowed to be angry.

It wasn’t that I never got angry. I just could not express it. During my post-abortion healing process, I prayed that God would help me express any anger emotions appropriately. It didn’t take too long for that prayer to bring back many memories to highlight the various paths of my internal fury.

My first step in healing was in acknowledging that I had the ultimate responsibility because no one had forced me onto that abortionist’s table. I came to realize that while my anger against my aborted baby’s father was authentic, it wasn’t helping me to heal.

These verses helped me let go of my anger and give it to God. Romans 12:19 shares this need – Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. God is so much better at vengeance than we are and sees into hearts.

In John 12:46, Jesus says, I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.

The anger inside my soul felt dark. I wanted God’s light to replace that dark spot. I knew that in my desire to find peace, I had to face my deep hostility. This module will help you with the emotion of anger after abortion.

Make a list of any names that initiate anger in your heart relating to your abortion. These may be people that you don’t know – like the media, instructors, celebrities, etc. – that promoted abortion as a good choice.

After the list seems complete, take the time to write something to each name. This is not something that you will send to them. The purpose of this activity is to record your emotions towards them to help reveal more about your anger. If you can understand why they make you angry, it’s easier to find forgiveness for them.

Again, do not send any of these letters. Record them in your journal and we will address this list in the next module.

Ask God to allow the light of His Spirit to surround your memories and shine a light on them for deeper healing.

Module 5 – Forgiveness

There is no sin greater than God’s capacity to forgive. His forgiveness hinges on one thing – our confession of our sin. By this point, your confession should have already taken place in your heart.

Forgiveness is the most basic of all principles in the Bible. Yet forgiveness of oneself for abortion is a very difficult matter. Psalm 103:12 says, As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Micah 7:19 relays, You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins under foot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

When we seek God with an open heart, asking Him to forgive our sins, He does. God then casts our sins into the sea of His forgetfulness and posts a “NO FISHING” sign. That’s the simple truth.

After we have given our sins to God, our memories may recall our old emotions. Feelings like shame, guilt and anger may return. In those days, we should then remind ourselves of God’s “No Fishing” sign. We must allow God to use time and His grace to calm these memories and comfort us again.

This module will outline the various elements of forgiveness as they relate to an abortion experience. Our prayer is that God would use this module to break through to your heart with His love for you!