The caller shouted in my ear, “How dare she compare her loss to my miscarriage. After all, she MURDERED her child!”
No one had ever attacked me in such a way during a radio interview. The conversation up until that point with the show’s host and the director of the local pregnancy center involved a compassionate discussion about PTSD as it relates to abortion.
When we took the call, I had just shared a portion of my own abortion testimony. We compared abortion grief to what many mother’s feel after miscarriage. The hope of God’s healing was outlined along with assurances of no judgment and confidentiality if someone wanted to attend the center’s abortion recovery program.
With just a few words, this caller shattered the safety zone we had tried to establish for wounded post-abortive hearts. In doing so, she highlighted the worst form of judgment that any post-abortive person could expect – she labeled me a “murderer.” If I had just received that judgment directly on-air, how could listeners expect to be received if they should make such a confession?
Thankfully, the director responded. Calmly and lovingly she spoke to all listeners about God’s grace and mercy. While I can’t remember her exact words, I was comforted as was the caller.
I didn’t speak much more, and the interview concluded. Her comment had silenced me quickly. Internally I was fighting the warfare that these comments stirred in my heart. The word “murdered” rang in my head continuous like a long-playing LP. Guilt was reignited followed by a quick conclusion that I could never be effective for Christ. Shame poured down on my head like a river.
That led to a good cry as I tried to process my emotions. I was spiritually mature enough to know my negative conclusions were what the enemy wanted me to believe. I’m sorry to admit I stayed in that zone for a while. This incredibly wounded woman had hurt me deeply. Sometimes it’s not that hard to draw blood from my abortion wound, despite the fact it has been healed over for many years. I took the rest of the day off.
To compare a young woman heading into an abortion clinic to someone who commits first-degree murderer is clearly unsuitable. Neither is the murderer or killer label Christ-like or productive in stopping abortion. Since one third of all American women are post-abortive, those comments have more power to wound on this topic.
In talking to thousands of women over the last 24 years, I have never known or heard of a woman who entered an abortion clinic in a truly murderous mindset. The image of an ISIS terrorist brandishing a knife to a Christian’s throat doesn’t compare to a young woman who feels she has no other choice.
Abortion rarely brings gleeful thoughts about an unborn child’s impending demise. If you have ever waited in the reception area of an abortion clinic as I have, the emotions gravitate towards fear and pain.
I saw a social media post this week that read, “I was on my way to kill my daughter when some folks pointed me in a better direction…” While happy with the overall story that the woman did not abort, I was deeply impacted by her use of the word “kill.” Like “murder,” kill has the ability to devastate those hearts that are barely hanging on in this world, believing their own depressed conclusions that they have committed an unforgivable sin and there is no hope for them.
There was a point in my healing where I recognized that I had taken the life of my own child versus a blob of tissue. By that time, God had already prepared the soil around my soul to grasp the truth of my actions. I couldn’t blame anyone else because no one dragged me kicking and screaming onto that abortion table. I had walked in all on my own, like a lamb to slaughter. I had the ultimate guilt and responsibility. Thankfully, through Christ’s ultimate sacrifice along with a local abortion recovery program, I was set free from the bondage of that choice and allowed His peace that passes all understanding.
I have several people in my life who served prison sentences for first-degree murder. Many were also post-abortive before the time of their crime. While it cannot be blamed entirely, their abortion trauma was part of the puzzle that led them into other destructive and dysfunctional behaviors. Obviously, those behaviors led to criminal activity and then a prison sentence. These individuals helped outline the difference between abortion and planning/murdering a person standing in front of you.
The next time you become vocally passionate about abortion, please prayerfully consider those around you. God wants to use us to reach hearts as well as educate on this topic. It’s easy to do both! Either avoid those two words – murder and kill – or follow them with overt compassion for the post-abortive listener! You never know who is listening!