Session Eight: Shattering Sexual Soul Ties

The lack of spiritual and physical marital intimacy is a major issue in the world today. The divorce rate continues to soar as well as the use of pornography, both of which can be rooted in the lack of satisfaction in the marital bed.

Sydna Massé understands this issue as she entered her marriage with a history of promiscuity that also included a past abortion. Her husband, Tom, was compassionate when they met, offering one of his favorite sayings, “Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now,[1]

Despite this comfort, Sydna still felt the shame of her past promiscuity lurking within her mindset, directly affecting her marital intimacy. She had many sexual soul ties that she had never shared with Tom, which the enemy would bring to mind at various points in her life. The overall negative message she heard was that her husband would not love her if he discovered the extent of her past promiscuity.

Their marriage endured periods of sexual inactivity with no desire or discussion of change. With God’s help, Sydna was continuously convicted that she had not “put to death” the memories of her previous sexual relationships – or sexual soul ties. Triggers of old lovers lurked in every corner of her mind, interfering with the Godly love and blessing that a marital union should provide.

God provided her with this passage to help her begin to confess these sexual soul ties to Tom – . . . we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. II Corinthians 4:2

Another convicting passage was found in Colossians 3:5-10 – Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived… Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.  

Through her ministry efforts with individuals hurting after abortion, Sydna discovered this sexually specific shame was a common issue as many women also expressed the inability to enjoy marital intimacy with loving husbands. Sydna and Tom began a gentle process that God used to release them both from their personal sexual soul ties and restored the virgin status to their marital union.

Session 8 is designed to help individuals consider, confess and process any sexual soul ties that may remain in the hearts.

[1] Lyrics from the song, “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” written by Stephen Stills.

What is a Sexual Soul Tie?

The Bible is clear that when two people come together sexually, outside of marriage, the consequences can be greater than with other sins.

Intimacy 101

A huge goal of every Christian is to have an intimate relationship with God and fellow believers. In looking at soul ties, it is interesting to see how Webster’s dictionary defines intimacy.

Sydna’s Sexual Soul Ties

When God finally took charge of my heart after my sinful period, He comforted me by allowing me to grieve my virginity and lost innocence that resulted.

Bible Character: Women with the Issue of Blood

Consider the woman with the “issue of blood” who thought that if she simply touched the hem of Jesus’ garment, she would be healed as outlined in Mark 5:24-34.

Sharing Guidelines

One of the scariest things I ever revealed to my husband was the exact number of sexual partners from my past. I had been fearful that should he know the details of my past, he probably wouldn’t like me.

First Steps

To get started in shattering your past sexual soul ties, it’s good to begin by simply writing out your sexual soul tie story. Writing allows you to list out the names and some of the experiences with that person.

Emotional Next Steps

Digging up past sexual memories can clearly be emotional. Grief, guilt and shame can ignite unexpected emotions allowing us to recall memories of painful sins.

Removing Tangible Reminders

It’s amazing how many people keep these old souvenirs from past relationships for “sentimental” reasons. Maybe it is a special necklace, earrings or even pressed flowers.

Taking Off the Old Self

Since sexual immorality is a sin against the body, confessing this can be a strong step towards gaining more power in Christ. Gaining freedom from these secret and shameful ways is a wonderful blessing in the end.

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Ramah Resources

Healing After AbortionSydna Massé compassionately leads you on the difficult journey through denial, anger, and grief, to forgiveness, redemption, and letting go. Her Choice to Heal offers a road map to healing – practical suggestions, resources for help, space to journal, with the encouragement and hope.
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