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Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

Ramah International is pleased to offer the HerChoicetoHeal.com abortion recovery course free of charge to anyone who is struggling after an abortion decision.

The Ramah team has over a 150 years of experience in helping individuals find peace after abortion. I’ve personally spoken to tens of thousands of post-abortive people over the years. I have used this personal knowledge to build HerChoicetoHeal.com.

Each of the nine featured modules included in this online course contain nine lessons that address the emotions of post-abortion pain. These lessons offer the hope of healing along with activities, information and a step-by-step process designed to produce enlightenment, understanding and God’s comfort through His word.

This spiritually based course has one strongly recommended reading resource – my book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion.

You can purchase this book at HerChoicetoHeal.com. It is available both in written and audiobook formats. This book has additional content not found on the HerChoicetoHeal.com online course.

Ramah International also offers a recovery guide workbook and a Journey in Ramah, a daily devotional that coincides with the module topics and provides additional stories about my own journey in healing after my abortion.

Please understand that the Her Choice to Heal team is dedicated to protecting the confidentiality of anyone using this course. Ramah International will NOT share any information with other organizations or individuals.

You can use this course independently or involve the Ramah team for deeper support at any time. We can also help you find a local abortion recovery ministry for direct/tangible support if one is available.

Ramah International is a 501c3 ministry that offers tax-deductible receipts to those who financially support our efforts. Please consider donating to support us and help underwrite HerChoicetoHeal.com in reaching abortion’s wounded hearts with the hope of God’s healing.

If we can help you in any way, please feel free to contact us.

 

 

Abortion PTSD Button
Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

As a woman who made the choice to abort my first child as a teenager, I understand the feelings millions of women experience after abortion.

If you are one of us, you know that the memories can be painful, and that true peace seems impossible to find.

Months or years may go by without any thought of the abortion experience coming to mind. Then one day you find yourself wondering what your life would have been like had your baby lived.

Perhaps you saw a child the same age yours would have been or the anniversary date of your abortion, or even the due date of your child can leave you feeling miserable.

Such thoughts can leave us feeling angry, scared and anxious.

For most women, their abortion is a closely held secret. Rarely do they talk about this pain with family and friends.

The fear judgment, they feel ashamed, they could be experiencing Abortion PTSD, also referred to as post-abortion syndrome.

If you are struggling with Abortion PTSD, please begin with Module 1 on HerChoicetoHeal.com. You will begin to learn more about how your abortion could have impacted your life and start your journey to peace.

I’m living proof that God can heal this pain and set you free from the burden of an abortion choice. If God can heal my heart, He can heal yours as well.

 

 

Recommended Reading
Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

Ramah International is pleased to offer other resources to help in your journey after abortion:

Her Choice to Heal has a recovery guide workbook. This tool provides more insight and activities to help address this pain. It can help you discover God’s peace at a deeper level.

Journey in Ramah devotional is a daily devotional that coincides with the module topics and provides additional stories about my own journey in healing after my abortion.

Red Rose Bouquet is a novel by Jennifer Rodewald. This is a story about one woman’s journey after her abortion. This encouraging novel can offer you deeper healing and help you understand some of the emotions you may be experiencing after abortion.

Ramah’s Voice Blogs are designed to answer common questions and help individuals with deeper understanding regarding how abortion impacts lives. These blogs also educate on the various elements of post-abortion pain and how to help both men and women who are seeking healing.

 

 

One Woman’s Story – Module 1, Lesson 1

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

After my abortion I found myself fighting to forget. I initially avoided babies and children and then I became involved in the pro-abortion movement. That was short lived because just hearing the abortion word led to deep anxiety.

 

In an attempt to convince myself that abortion had been a good choice, I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb every emotion.

 

Because of the haunting nightmares of crying children, it was difficult to sleep without being high.

 

On my child’s due date, I cried all night. I did not realize it was my child’s due date so I just thought I was going crazy. My head could not acknowledge my loss, but my heart did.

 

Anger became my friend. If I was angry, I didn’t cry. Initially this anger was directed at my baby’s daddy. I blamed him for the abortion because he forced me and threatened to abandon me if I didn’t make that choice.

 

My mind offered many excuses to justify my choice. I thought my education was more important than having a baby. I could not break my parent’s heart with an unexpected pregnancy. The Christian college I was attending had a policy of expelling unwed pregnant women.

 

Anger offset the pain. For eleven years I was able to control these emotions except for the rare circumstances when the abortion term was featured in the media which always triggered this pain.

 

Later, when I gave birth and experienced the love for my living children, it left me with deep emotions regarding my lost child. I didn’t realize that my mother’s heart would be unable to forget the child that I had aborted.

 

There was a life event that shook my heart ten years after my abortion involving the death of a dear friend. The unexpected grief in her death opened my heart. The clouds that hung like curtains on my eyes were removed. My heart finally broke apart as I thought about my lost baby.

 

I found myself crying whenever I thought about my abortion. My anger shifted towards myself. I recognized my own role in the abortion decision. Guilt and shame overwhelmed me. Day and night my heart ached.

 

I finally allowed myself to recognize my lost child as a missing person which was painful. Then I found a brochure that outlined the symptoms of Abortion PTSD. Those symptoms described the exact way I was feeling.

 

In knowing the source of my pain, I found relief and was able to search for help. I discovered that what I was enduring wasn’t unique but common among post-abortive women. What a relief to know I wasn’t going crazy.

 

Then I joined an abortion recovery class and met other post-abortive women who felt just like I did. I began to learn how much God loved me no matter what choices I had made.

 

I began to apply God’s truth to my life. It was a healing balm. I discovered there was no sin that God couldn’t forgive, even abortion.

 

By believing the truth that Jesus Christ died to pay the penalty for my sin – my abortion sin – I was set free. When Jesus rose again, He offered forgiveness and eternal life to each of us.

 

I was released of my sin of abortion but there was more work that needed to be done to complete my healing.

 

During the recovery class I was able to surrender the emotions that had held me captive for years. These included denial, anger, fear, grief, shame, guilt and sorrow. In processing every emotion related to my abortion I found deep healing. At the end of that class I felt 100% better.

 

Since that time, God’s healed more areas of my heart. He can do the same for you.

 

Please know you are not alone. There are millions of individuals around the world that quietly experience this same pain.

 

This website, HerChoicetoHeal.com, is designed to help you walk through your own emotions related to your abortion. You can discover the same healing that I received.

 

 

What to Expect – Module 1-2

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

As you begin to look at a past abortion, you may experience a lot of different feelings. At times you may cry a lot. You may get angry or even feel overwhelmed. You will also experience moments of understanding.

 

These are normal emotions in the healing process. Included within this course is a step-by-step method to help you in addressing a past abortion decision. You can find peace with yourself and God.

 

The Ramah team is here to help you with this process. While this site is designed to be used individually, we are also available to discuss your healing process with you at any time.

 

Please feel free to contact us as you navigate through this course.

 

 

Do I really need healing? – Module 1/3

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

Perhaps you are thinking, “Okay, so I had an abortion. But that is in the past. Do I really need healing?”

 

Some women seemingly never need to work through any kind of healing process. But for most of us the memory of the abortion lies hidden within, like an infection, weakening and impairing us in ways we never thought possible.

 

If you are one of the millions of women who have experienced abortion, you know that the memories associated with this experience can be difficult and even painful. Yet months and years may go by without any memory of the abortion.

 

Then suddenly you find yourself recalling deep memories of this choice. Triggers like seeing children that are the same age your child might have been, or the anniversary date of the abortion/birth date of the child, may leave you feeling anxious, scared, and fearful.

 

Is that true for you? See if you recognize yourself in some of the following questions:

 

Do you feel reluctant to talk about the subject of abortion, or do you feel guilt, anger, or sorrow when discussing your own abortion?

 

Do you tend to think of your life in terms of “before” and “after” the abortion?

 

Do you have lingering feelings of resentment or anger toward people involved in your abortion decision?

 

Have you found yourself either avoiding relationships or becoming overly dependent in them since the abortion?

 

Have you begun or increased the use of drugs or alcohol since the abortion, or do you have an eating disorder?

 

Have you felt a vague sort of emptiness, a deep sense of loss, or had prolonged periods of depression?

 

Do you sometimes have nightmares or flashbacks relating to the abortion?

 

If any of these points relate to you, it is possible you could be experiencing Abortion PTSD. Take the Abortion PTSD Assessment Test on HerChoicetoHeal.com. If you score 2 or more on this test, you may be struggling with Abortion PTSD.

 

If that is the case, HerChoicetoHeal.com is designed to help you begin to address this pain and find God’s healing.

 

 

 

Module 2 – Sharing your Story

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

It is very common for the post-abortive to work to forget their abortion experience. This can make memories of those moments difficult to remember. By simply writing out your memories about that time, you can unlock a deeper level of understanding. Writing can unlock hidden memories, reveal details that you’ve forgotten, outline pain that you haven’t considered and simply help you understand how you ended up in an abortion clinic.

 

Some prefer to write in other ways – in a journal, artistically, making a recording, or simply sharing with a trusted friend. Whatever way works best for you, recording your abortion experience is an important first step in healing. You may never share it with anyone but reading it back will build your understanding.

 

On the other hand, when you begin a healing journey with God you may experience deep memory recall. When this occurs, it can feel like you are watching a movie of someone else’s life. If you can embrace these recollections they can begin the process of healing your abortion wound.

 

Due to the need for secrecy after abortion, it could be that you are unable to share your abortion with others. The Ramah team is available to help you in that way. Please feel free to contact us for encouragement or with questions. We are always here to help!

 

 

 

Module 3 – Denial

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

Denial is a wall of protection that a woman puts up in her heart in order to cope with the emotions and memories that follow an abortion. This wall is often built with bricks of guilt and shame. Society provides bricks, mortar and even laborers for the job.

 

The bricks can be grief, guilt, shame, avoidance of the abortion topic, etc. The first brick was laid when abortion became an option. Another section of the wall was built during the abortion itself. Bricks are added over the years to make the wall taller.

 

The wall serves as a buffer zone to keep us safe from the memories of losing our children and our pain in ending their lives.

 

You may have been denying the truth about the child lost during your abortion. Just as the wall of denial is built slowly, the wall will probably come down slowly. It may take days . . . weeks . . . and even months. You’ll think the wall is gone, and you’ll find another pile of bricks.

 

Give yourself time to dismantle the wall of denial. Dig deeper into the information available on HerChoicetoHeal.com. When you complete the lessons in this “Denial” module, you’ll learn more about guilt and shame and how these emotions may have impacted your life. You will also learn how to address them.

 

Our prayer is that you will realize God’s perspective, as revealed in Jeremiah 29:11-13 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

 

 

 

Module 4 – Addressing Anger

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

Anger was a forbidden emotion in our house when I was young. My mother was raised in an abusive environment. When she grew up, she vowed no one would yell at her again. She was the only person in our house that was allowed to be angry.

 

It wasn’t that I never got angry. I just could not express it. During my post-abortion healing process, I prayed that God would help me express any anger emotions appropriately. It didn’t take too long for that prayer to bring back many memories to highlight the various paths of my internal fury.

 

My first step in healing was in acknowledging that I had the ultimate responsibility because no one had forced me onto that abortionist’s table. I came to realize that while my anger against my aborted baby’s father was authentic, it wasn’t helping me to heal.

 

These verses helped me let go of my anger and give it to God. Romans 12:19 shares this need – Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. God is so much better at vengeance than we are and sees into hearts.

 

In John 12:46, Jesus says, I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.

 

The anger inside my soul felt dark. I wanted God’s light to replace that dark spot. I knew that in my desire to find peace, I had to face my deep hostility. This module will help you with the emotion of anger after abortion.

 

Make a list of any names that initiate anger in your heart relating to your abortion. These may be people that you don’t know – like the media, instructors, celebrities, etc. – that promoted abortion as a good choice.

 

After the list seems complete, take the time to write something to each name. This is not something that you will send to them. The purpose of this activity is to record your emotions towards them to help reveal more about your anger. If you can understand why they make you angry, it’s easier to find forgiveness for them.

 

Again, do not send any of these letters. Record them in your journal and we will address this list in the next module.

 

Ask God to allow the light of His Spirit to surround your memories and shine a light on them for deeper healing.

 

 

 

Module 5 – Forgiveness

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

There is no sin greater than God’s capacity to forgive. His forgiveness hinges on one thing – our confession of our sin. By this point, your confession should have already taken place in your heart.

 

Forgiveness is the most basic of all principles in the Bible. Yet forgiveness of oneself for abortion is a very difficult matter. Psalm 103:12 says, As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

 

Micah 7:19 relays, You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins under foot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

 

When we seek God with an open heart, asking Him to forgive our sins, He does. God then casts our sins into the sea of His forgetfulness and posts a “NO FISHING” sign. That’s the simple truth.

 

After we have given our sins to God, our memories may recall our old emotions. Feelings like shame, guilt and anger may return. In those days, we should then remind ourselves of God’s “No Fishing” sign. We must allow God to use time and His grace to calm these memories and comfort us again.

 

This module will outline the various elements of forgiveness as they relate to an abortion experience. Our prayer is that God would use this module to break through to your heart with His love for you!

 

 

 

Module 6 – Grieving Your Loss

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

Embracing grief after abortion has massive rewards that are outlined in Psalm 126:4-6 – Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

 

Grief and joy don’t seem to go together but they do! I never want to “get over” missing my aborted child or my parents, who are now in heaven. Thinking about them can make me cry or laugh depending on the memory.

 

When expected grief comes, like on their birthdays, anniversary dates or just looking through photos, I may weep again. I miss them. Crying brings God’s comfort close to my heart. By embracing this grief, I relieve my burden and receive God’s warm love.

 

Focused grief means openly embracing any level of potential sorrow and allowing tears to flow freely. Whatever triggers abortion grief, realize tears are essential in the ongoing healing process.

 

Lamentations 2:18-19 shares more on God’s purpose in our mourning our aborted children – The hearts of the people cry out to the Lord. You walls of the Daughter of Zion, let your tears flow like a river day and night; give yourself no relief, your eyes no rest. Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children…

 

This module will help you begin to realize your grief and embrace it so that you reach the joy that awaits you through God’s restoration process!

 

 

 

Module 7 – Joy Comes in the Mourning

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

Denial, anger, depression, acceptance – these are all stages in the grieving process. No two people grieve in the same way or in the same order. Just remember that the goal of mourning is not to “get over” it but to get through it – to do the work of grieving.

 

It’s a powerful step to name your aborted child(ren) and to grieve their loss and have a memorial service to remember them. This step can lead to deeper healing and letting go of this pain by giving it over to God.

 

This process is outlined in Isaiah 43:18-19 – Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

 

The lessons in this module will provide more details about heaven and what your eventual meeting with your child could be like.

 

God promised us in Psalms 126: 5-6 that – Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheves with them.

 

Also outlined are potential triggers of post-abortion pain and ways to tame these triggers to help you process future emotions relating to your lost child(ren).

 

 

 

Module 8: Shattering Sexual Soul Ties

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

The lack of spiritual and physical intimacy in marriage is a major issue. The divorce rate continues to soar as well as the use of pornography, both of which can be rooted in the lack of satisfaction in the marital bed.

 

I understand this issue because I entered my marriage with a history of promiscuity that also included a past abortion. My husband, Tom, was compassionate when they met, offering one of his favorite sayings, “Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now[1].”

 

Despite this comfort, I still felt the shame of her past promiscuity lurking within my mindset, directly affecting my marital intimacy. I had many sexual soul ties that I had never shared with Tom, which the enemy would bring to mind at various points in her life. The overall negative message I heard was that my husband would not love me if he discovered the extent of my past promiscuity.

 

Our marriage endured periods of sexual inactivity with no desire or discussion of change. With God’s help, I was continuously convicted that I had not “put to death” the memories of my previous sexual relationships – or sexual soul ties. Triggers of old lovers lurked in every corner of my mind, interfering with the Godly love and blessing that a marital union should provide.

 

God provided me with this passage to help me begin to confess these sexual soul ties to Tom – . . . we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. II Corinthians 4:2

 

Another convicting passage was found in Colossians 3:5-10 – Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived… Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

 

Through my ministry efforts with individuals hurting after abortion, I discovered this sexually specific shame was a common issue as many women also expressed the inability to enjoy marital intimacy with loving husbands. Tom and I began a gentle process that God used to release us both from our personal sexual soul ties and restored the virgin status to our marital union.

 

Module 8 is designed to help individuals consider, confess and process any sexual soul ties that may remain in the hearts.

 

[1] Lyrics from the song, “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” written by Stephen Stills.

 

 

 

Module 9: Sharing Your Secret

Hello, I’m Sydna Massé, author of the book, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion and the Founder and CEO of Ramah International, an outreach organization designed to offer the hope of healing to abortion’s wounded around the world.

 

As one of the very first women to publicly confess an abortion secret with the world back in July of 1992, I know that abortion testimonies can be very powerful – both in providing individuals with the hope of God’s healing and to discourage other women from making this choice. The story of how I ended up being a pioneer in sharing the secret of abortion is included in this module.

 

The Biblical basis of sharing the secret of abortion is outlined in Revelations 12:11 – They overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus) and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

 

Overcoming the enemy through a testimony requires a great deal of sacrifice. Many times, our family members join us in this sacrifice so they must be considered before accepting the call to speak publicly. My public abortion testimony caused my parents a great deal of pain and embarrassment. They felt it was inappropriate to “air your dirty laundry” in public.

 

When I first started sharing my abortion experience, nothing magically happened. I was blessed to reveal my abortion truth to a wonderful group of people that did not judge me.

 

Then painfully agreed to attend an abortion recovery program. The last thing I expected was God’s miraculous healing and restoration to result from that effort. That class released me from the emotional pain and depression that had haunted my life since my abortion decision.

 

God made it obvious to my heart soon thereafter that He was calling me to outline my personal struggle with abortion and to offer the same hope of God’s healing to other wounded hearts. I must confess that sharing publicly wasn’t a calling I initially embraced. I fought this calling, but God’s hand was heavy upon my heart.

 

While I feared rejection and judgment, I was blessed that the initial audience to hear my story responded with love and compassion. God later opened the door for my story to be shared on the Focus on the Family daily broadcast with Dr. James Dobson. I became one of the very first to share publicly about the spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological aspects of abortion.

 

Since that time, I’ve openly shared my story all over the world. I’ve testified before audiences as large as 750,000 and as small as one person. Each one is just as difficult as that first testimony. It has never gotten any easier to share this story.

 

To be silent no more at a public level is a very difficult calling that requires spiritual depth and stamina. Each time I experience the horror of choosing to end the life of my first child. I grieve again for this child that I will never hold this side of heaven. The only consolation in this pain is that God has a bigger picture and is using my testimony for His glory.

 

Over the years, I’ve watched the pro-life movement openly encourage and even solicit the post-abortive testimony for various pro-life “awareness” efforts. Sadly, I’ve also ministered to the women that participated in these events only to discover that their emotional pain has been intensified as a result.

 

This has convinced me that a public abortion testimony is a RARE calling because of the intense responsibility and spiritual depth that is required. In addition, it is not enough to be able to share – we must also be able to tangibly help those that come forward as a result.

 

This module is designed to help you examine what God is calling you to do in the future regarding your abortion testimony. If you feel called by God to share publicly, this module will provide you with steps you need to consider/take before mounting a platform and bearing this secret to the world.

 

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