Abortion’s Anniversary Reminders
On my aborted child’s due date, I found myself crying all night. As I applied a hot washcloth to my eyes the next morning, I began to believe I was losing my mind due to some unknown reason.
After my abortion, the third week in March was always a bad week for me. Without knowing about Abortion PTSD symptoms, I didn’t connect those difficult days to my choice.
I never thought my tears that evening had anything to do with my abortion. I wouldn’t let myself even consider that possibility as I was working to distance myself from that memory. I chalked my mourning up to depression. I simply denied that my abortion could be the source of any deep pain in my heart!
Years later, I recalled that mourning moment when first reading the symptoms of Abortion PTSD relating to “anniversary pain.” My mind immediately connected my baby’s due date to the crying session. God broke down my denial, helping me understand that I wasn’t going crazy. There was a very good reason for my emotional reaction so I was not crazy at all! That understanding brought peace.
Anniversary pain can be focused on the date of the abortion or the due date of the aborted child. When these dates resurface, unknown sorrow can result. Many times there is relief in understanding that this pain has a source. If you know the source of your pain, you can work to heal it.
Some describe this anniversary pain as “haunting.” The “presence” of a lost child may be on the edge of a person’s conscience, like any other family member who has passed away. Many are paralyzed in this distress and miss experiencing all that God has to offer their heart when we turn to Him.
When understanding that a child was lost through their choice, the anguish of a past abortion may arguably be the worst form of self-torture existing in the world. It represents one of the few forms of “true guilt” because we have actually taken a life.
In my conversations with thousands of post-abortive people, a typical comment is, “How can I even consider looking at this pain?” Interestingly enough, most face this pain every day. They just do not realize the abortion connection to this commonly denied pain.
Once a woman understands that she lost a family member in aborting, milestone marks that would have occurred in the aborted child’s life can also be painful. If the woman has living children, even their son or daughter’s smile and loving words can remind her of her missing one in heaven. Sorrow can be stirred in simply meeting an individual who is the same age as the woman’s aborted child.
The world is full of “reminders” as the years roll on. With each memory, and every tear shed, God drew me closer to His grace and mercy, helping me cope with the ongoing grief.
God’s love and peace are available to everyone, regardless of our choices. Hebrews 8:11-13 shares this truth – No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’ because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
In your journal, describe any experience you have had with anniversary reminders of your abortion experience. Write down the significant dates of your abortion experience. These could include, but aren’t limited to:
Date of your child’s conception
Date of the abortion
Your aborted child’s due date
Put these dates on a calendar so that when they arrive you will understand any emotional reactions you may experience are related to your abortion choice.